@Halbeerz: So Nickelback is playing a flood relief concert for Alberta. Like those folks haven't suffered enough.
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@NicestHippo: "Instagram announced they will allow users to see who viewed their profile..." *wakes up in cold sweat*
@thenatewolf: *Friend is sinking in quicksand* Get help before I drown! *I start to run, stop, jog back to friend* Technically you're not drow- NATE!
@Smooheed: When I'm pushing the twins in the pram and someone asks me if they're mine I say 'no, they're for my collection' and run as fast as I can
@basit_saeed: When people fall with their iPhone 6 in pocket and hear a crack sound: "Please let it be my leg, Lord."