@beeple: so proud of america. only 8 years after electing first black pres, we're considering electing our first orange one
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@CaptainJerkwad: Went to a restaurant. The sign said "breakfast anytime." So I ordered French toast during the renaissance
@egg_dog: Teacher: ok class bring your dioramas to the front of the class Me: [holding a bowl of diahorrea] oh no…
@DillDoes: Dude the goverment isn't spying on you. You're not interesting *meanwhile in a secret base* "dont let him say that to you. You're amazing"