@Travon: So sad America ranks 25th in the world in math. But at least we're still in the top 10.
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@LuvPug: A good friend will delete your browser history for you, but a best friend will make your chalk lines smaller
@KenJennings: Parenting is all about wanting to say, "No one cares, honey" 100x a day AND NEVER DOING IT.
@doritoburritho: [using ouija board] Why isn't he responding to us? I'm annoyed H I A N N O Y E D I M D A D
@duplicitron: Hey lady I have bad news for you someone thought your hair was noodles and left their chopsticks in it.