@NoChillPosts: SO SAD
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@iwearaonesie: So important your wife knows you're petting the dog when she hears you say "you're getting a little chunky"
@motrboatr: I do feel bad for some of you who complain about all the unwanted attention you get on Twitter. Maybe you should try notepad, or word.
@Kimgee8: Relationship status: the doorbell rings, my heart is pounding, it's the pizza delivery guy. Three-cheese, double toppings, thick crust.
@TheBoydP: I'm not saying it would kill me to work out, I'm just saying my wife bought me a gym membership and doubled my life insurance...