@fro_vo: *puts on white shirt*
*accidentally spills coffee*
*takes off shirt*
*shoves shirt into coffee pot*
*puts on brown shirt*
@squirrel74wkgn: [at a party]
*taps wife's shoulder*
I've looked everywhere...where are all the swings?
(wife pulls away from kissing Bob)
"What?"
@Seinfeld2000: KIM KARDASHIAN: Elane you GOTA see the BABY
ELANE: I follow you on instagram. Im gona see it
@mofrorock: A prickle of porcupines
A murder of crows
A flamboyance of flamingos
A twitter of depressed, alcoholic perverts
A shrewdness of apes
A parla
@Tmoney68: Mistletoe is my favorite Christmas tradition that sounds like a cool as shit superpower.
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