@Aspersioncast: So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper.
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@ShotOfBull: I found a message in a bottle. It said: "The girl at the end of the bar is a lot hotter than she was 2 hours ago."
@SteveSuckington: [therapy] WIFE: he favors our son over our daughter ME: No way, I love whatsherface just as much as I love Johnny
@demented_Ash: Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with a car, Throw you off a street so high, Hope you break your neck and die.
@Eagle_Vision: You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat, she is probably upset at you.