@JohnDuffy21: Social networking has become a club. Twitter is the dance floor. Instagram is the bar and Facebook is the people crying in the bathroom.
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@chimneyspotter: What do we want? FLEXIBLE WORK SCHEDULES THAT ACCOMMODATE FAMILY LIFE! When do we want it? [Unintelligible yelling of different dates]
@sarcasm_inc: A group of chimpanzees walking out of a Banana Republic is called "disappointed" Except for Charlie there, who scored a nice sundress.
@ThaJawn: (playing Monopoly) Hour 1: Why don't we play this more? Hour 16: *holding bloody napkins to nose* Does it look broken?
@tastefactory: Let's ask the Ouija board a question. Is my wife's meatloaf good? *pointer moves to NO* You see, Debra? No I did not move it myself