@JohnDuffy21: Social networking has become a club. Twitter is the dance floor. Instagram is the bar and Facebook is the people crying in the bathroom.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: [After reading vows] Me: Why are you upset? Her: Me: Was it the Donald- Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice.
@PastorBate: [Spelling Bee] Your word is palindrome "Can you use it in a sentence?" Go hang a salami I'm a lasagna hog.
@lisawhiteWHAT: My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?