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@SoloSalinas: Society: "Just be yourself."
Society: "No not like that."
@DanMentos: Fun Prank: put a live turtle and a tiny pair of nunchucks in your toilet before your guests arrive
@ComedyCentral: "If anyone has any reason Kim & Kanye should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace." -Taylor Swift's moment of revenge
@stephenjmolloy: Boss: "Do you know why I've called you into my office?"
Into My Office: "Because that's my name?"
Boss: "Yes, that's right."
@emmafreud: This is joyous. Go to any YouTube video. Pause it. Click anywhere outside the video and then type 1980. Now defend yourself.
@greg_vee: I've been ignoring these dirty dishes for 47 minutes and they still haven't taken the hint. It's just awkward now...