@4handfuls: Some call it a fashion show. I call it my kids changing their shorts 8 times a day for no reason and leaving them all over the house...
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@GensPlace: When I first went on the pill, I put on a bit of weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
@iwearaonesie: mom: Do you need us to bring anything tomorrow? me: Pumpkin pie mom: Anything else? me: Turkey mom me: Stuffing mom me: Plates
@david8hughes: Wife: can u unstack the dishwasher? Me opening dishwasher, taking out large knife & cutting my hand off: I can't, there's been an accident.
@Parkerlawyer: What I’ve learned from Dateline: 1. A hit man is surprisingly cheap and they almost always take payment plans. 2. Random murders are rare. 3. One should keep a missing photo file so the news has all your “good” photos. 5. The husband totally did it.