@BestScienceJoke: Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.
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@MatCro: GF: I'm moving out if you don't stop pretending you work at a supermarket. ME: Ok. Do you need any help with your packing?
@peachesanscream: New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT.
@carlyken: Buy Domino's Fire everyone Hire dragons Fire roasted pizzas Delivery in six minutes or less IMAGINE DRAGONS
@SteveSuckington: DAUGHTER: why did you name me Paris? ME: You were conceived on our honeymoon in Paris SON: OMG!! ME: (to son) what's wrong 97FordF150?