@BestScienceJoke: Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.
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@DaddyJew: Gf: come over Me: can't, playing the new call of duty Gf: my parents are out of town Me: you're 30 years old, grow up
@LuvPug: A good friend will delete your browser history for you, but a best friend will make your chalk lines smaller
@TheToddWilliams: [team tryouts] Coach: You really knocked that one out of the park. Jimmy: Thanks Coach! Coach: This is tennis.
@shivkumarrx: What should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant???? #RT