@iwearaonesie: 9: How old was I when I was 3? me *grabs hammer* *smashes college fund jar*

@QwertyJones3: Mankind is capable of unimaginable feats of engineering and yet the windows on the airplane never line up with the seats.

@TheMichaelRock: Nobody pays attention like the person behind the first car at a red light.

@Faceyspace: HAHA ME AND MY NEW BOYFRIEND QUIT SMOKING TOGETHER NO ONE WILL GET MURDERED FOR SURE.

@envydatropic: *Switches between 4 different news channels for an hour* Has literally no idea what's going on in the world