@BestScienceJoke: Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.
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@joeljeffrey: I didnt know how to tell this guy at Home Depot his fly was down... and he didnt know how to say thanks when I tried to help him zip it up.
@JohnLyonTweets: Flight attendant: You’re sitting by the emergency door. Will you be able to open it if necessary? Me, having just put lotion on my hands: *sweats profusely*