@Elizasoul80: Some dude just called me an idiot for not agreeing with him. What he doesn't know is I've been calling myself that since we started talking.
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@iGreenMonk: Just waved back at someone at the gym who was waving at the person behind me and now I'm looking for a new gym.
@radtoria: "Penguins mate for life. Isn't that romantic?" You open your mouth to answer but I spit my chewed up cake into it. "You're my penguin."
@asimplesean: Just saw a dog with three legs. He did have a fourth leg, but he also had three legs.
@joeldanger: If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day