@iscoff: Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it's like...I don't care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
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@SweatyJester: If a picture says a thousand words, why do you need 22 hashtags on your Instagram photographs?
@ImSarahobo: Me:Did you have a ruff day? Dog: Me:What? That was funny! Dog: Me:Do you not like puns? Dog: Me:I think I'm high. Dog:Did you smoke my weed?
@WakeVII: Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel.