@iscoff: Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it's like...I don't care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal
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@dumbbeezie: I just saw a woman outside sitting alone on a bench and staring at nothing and it made me so sad. I wonder what happened to her phone?
@NottaBigDeal: I stand in the tampon aisle and when a woman reaches for a box, I snicker and say "you're gross".
@rockymomax: MORGAN FREEMAN: I'm here to narrate your life ME: cool! [2 hrs later] MF: he's still trying to figure out the childproof cap on his Tylenol