@mattZillaaaa: Some girl is stalking me & has been telling ppl I'm her boyfriend. I'm flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship
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@CountGripsnatch: *maintains eye contact with coworker while licking a yogurt lid for seventeen minutes*
@junejuly12: Sometimes I want to kidnap a few woman for two to three weeks so that their eyebrows can grow without fear
@QwertyJones3: Hangin with my peeps at the club. Biting their heads off, one by one. Enjoying their marshmallow deliciousness.