@mattZillaaaa: Some girl is stalking me & has been telling ppl I'm her boyfriend. I'm flattered but I prefer to be the psychotic one in the relationship
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@Andrea__B__: The most important thing in life is to be yourself, unless you can be Batman...always go with Batman
@BigPlanetEarth: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "sorry for the damage." Film reactions. Profit.
@breakfastbeerz: Who called them "homo erectus'" and not... Wait, that's actually pretty funny. Good job guy who named them "homo erectus'"
@ceejoyner: wife: you're listening to too much theatrical heavy metal Me: behold! The weaver of lies! A dark seamstress of shadows lurks amongst us