@BradBroaddus: Some guy just passed toilet paper under the stall without me even asking. I'm not sure if he is a pervert or a wizard.
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@CarolineCasey: Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.
@gorrdano: I'm always ready with my mallet when sewer workers poke their head up from under a manhole.
@WeissBrandon: Apparently, "I just assumed" is a horrible answer when your wife asks you why you bought her the "heavy flow" tampons.
@thinkingparsnip: *DJ drops the beet* ERRYBODY IN THE CLUB begins wondering why the DJ would bring a root vegetable to work with him.