@lisaxy424: "SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP" I yell at the neighbor I can hear vacuuming at 1pm in the afternoon.
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@kumailn: It's fine to eat chicken with skin but serve beef with skin and everybody just starts freaking out.
@juliussharpe: Forgot we bought a Christmas tree. Woke up at 2 a.m., went to pee, thought it was a guy and almost called the cops on it.
@Prof_Hinkley: Friend: are you ready for our hike? Me: *filling my camelback with french onion soup* just about
@ellieholcomb: Watched The Little Mermaid with my girl last night & realized that Aerial could be on an episode of Hoarders. : /