@lisaxy424: "SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP" I yell at the neighbor I can hear vacuuming at 1pm in the afternoon.
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@nigelgodwin: My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them
@semple42: There's this woman in my office who is wearing the same outfit as yesterday and she reeks of tequi......ok it's me.
@ThaJawn: (gym) Me: *tries to lift dumbbell *drops it Trainer: COME ON! IT'S NOT THAT HEAVY! Me: I know, it's just this KFC grease making it slip