@jjhartinger: Some of you are acting like you got off a flight from Australia instead of losing one hour.
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@Birdhumms: Forgive me father for I have sinned, it's been 25 yrs since my last confession, I sure hope you're seated comfortably.
@loudmouth_usa: 1) Pull black socks to knees 2) Wear sandals 3) Wear Magnum PI shorts 4) Make ball sack slightly visible -Grandpa's guide to lawn mowing
@WildeThingy: Boss "I'm looking for a volunteer." Me *chops off own legs "I can't!" Co-worker "I'm busy, sorry." Me "damn, that's a better excuse."
@trentistweeting: [playing limbo at Gary's house] GARY: how low can you go? *i sleep with Gary's wife* GARY: wow, that is pretty low