@LoveNLunchmeat: Some peanut butter M&M's just rolled under the fridge, and now I understand every sad love song ever written.
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@DanMentos: Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs
@thenatewolf: Me: goodnight kids Kids: goodnight dad Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT
@jake_likes_naps: *catches up to jogger while wearing the same outfit* good luck shaking the police off loser *sprints ahead while sirens can be heard*
@boring_as_heck: Shit. Damn it. A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day.