@imence2: Some people have no respect. It's obvious I'm on my phone trying to do something & this guys all "STEP OUT OF THE CAR WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: Raising two kids on my own has been a real struggle. WIFE: I'm only gone for two days. ME: They call me momdad now, which is bittersweet
@GringoBrulee: My first kid will be named Gotham. That way when I have to get up in the middle of the night when they're crying I can say "Gotham needs me"
@PinkCamoTO: Interviewer: So why did you leave your last job? Me: Someone found out my birthday and decorated my cubicle with balloons.