@gwatts77: Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person's confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
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@stevevsninjas: wife: what's wrong? slug: boss said I work slowly. wife: he's harsh. take it with a grain of- slug: TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF WHAT, DIANE?
@DanMentos: [at funeral] "it was so sudden" really? "yeah right in the middle of rap battle" I thought you said he died of dysentery TERRY: That's right
@GrantTanaka: Barista: name? Benedict Cumberbatch: Benedict Cumberbatch Barista [writes "Benedict Cumberbatch"] Benedict Cumberbatch: holy shit
@PaigeKellerman: 90% of being a parent is shouting, "Remember to flush the toilet." The other 10% is flushing the toilet for everyone.