@UtilityLimb: some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]
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@jwoodham: What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
@trojansauce: daniel radcliffe's family were just known as the cliffe's until his great grandfather invented the kick flip
@gerryhallcomedy: My daughter is late coming down to breakfast. Her 3 strips of bacon are getting cold. I mean 2 strips. Sorry, 1 strip. She'll have cereal.
@Ivsy01: Flirt with him. Drop down and pick up your asthma inhaler. Look back, readjust your glasses.