@RichHarris2: Somebody called me a free spirit today and my heart leapt as I turned back to my paperwork.
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@TheHoyBoy_: When I go to someone's house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors
@generaldietz: Spiderman: Can I be in The Avengers now? Captain America: Um sure. Spiderman: What should I do? Iron Man: You're in charge of web design.
@Timmsmiff: "sir we don't hire people to be mannequins" Me:*strikes mannequin pose* "No, sir we don-" M:*new pose* [under breath] "damn this guys good"
@StinkyGr33n: Joke I told my one-eyed coworker today: Me: What do you call a terrorist who's missing an eye? Him: I give up Me: A terrorst