@daplusk: Somebody called me 'pretentious' the other day.nnI nearly choked on my decaf double choc mocha latte.
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@kathybotteas: If the emoji I wanna text is not in the "recently used," you may have to wait 3 days till I find it.
@heyevergreen: Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Walk around the party eating the cheeseball like an apple.
@abbycohenwl: *pulls motorist over* COP: Are you high? MAN: If I were high would you look like a breathing tree? *one leaf silently falls from cop*
@PaperWash: bank robber: EVERYONE FREEZE! [everyone freezes] bank robber: [recording everyone] nice! this'll be the best mannequin challenge yet