@ilovepie84: Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.
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@BarebakAssassin: After you're done looking for true love on Twitter, you should go ride a unicorn around Atlantis, then eat some heart-healthy ice cream.
@Parkerlawyer: Just saw a large group of 20 yr olds saying a blessing before eating. Then I realized they were all just looking at their phones.
@BreadFoster: Don't say "lets get weird" on our date then get freaked out I'm dressed in Forever 21 and holding your cousin hostage.
@ashlar36: I'm going to complain about the cold until a Canadian gets mad enough to say something rude, like 'I'm sorry but it's colder in Canada."