@ilovepie84: Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.
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@ch000ch: sorry, standing outside your house with a sign that says "prom?" was probably a confusing way to ask u what prom means
@generaldietz: Me: I save a bunch of time by not having to tie my shoes. Her: What do you do with the time saved? Me: *tying my dogs shoes* Sorry, what?
@KateWhineHall: "...This one is TOO big. This one is JUST right." -my daughter, picking out her preferred public toilet.
@michaelianblack: Is it racist that I only use chopsticks when eating Asian food? I'm never like, "Time for pancakes! Where are my chopsticks?"