@mablazarus: Someday you'll wake up with Mark Zuckerberg in your bed because you neglected to uncheck a box.
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@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
@rad_milk: as a teen did you ever steal your moms booze and fill it back up with water, or steal money out of her purse and fill it back up with water
@ddsmidt: I imagine if I had a job doing manual labor, I'd be in great shape. Then I do 15 minutes of manual labor and reality comes back into focus.