@TravLeBlanc: Someone asked me what the sound of one hand clapping was so I slapped his face.
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@GrantTanaka: My wife & I play this sexy game where she dresses up like a schoolgirl, then I dress up like a schoolgirl then we sit down & learn fractions
@dru0887: When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying
@bridger_w: The general rule is that you shouldn't ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity