@leyawn: someone brought a box of lemons to work and emailed out saying "there's lemons" and now every one has a lemon on their desk. why
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@DannyZuker: Based on their level of excitement, bros in beer commercials seem unaware that you can pretty much buy beer anywhere.
@POTerritory: Him: You put feathers of a crow in this drink? Me: Yes, I made sure they all came from 1 crow. It's... Him: Please don't. Me: ...single molt
@KenJennings: TALKING TO MY DAUGHTER 7yo: I have an empty snail shell collection. Me: How many do you have? 7yo: Zero. Me: ZERO? 7yo: I said it was empty.
@markydoodoo: I'm 34 years old and I still don't know what to do when the barber shows me the back of my head with that little mirror.