@MarkTConard: Someone hash-tagged "share the love," and I read it as "shave the love." I thought, yeah, I can get on board with that.
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@angibangie: [both kids on my lap] Me:This is so nice 5yo:Mommy your breath stinks. M: I carried you for 9 months! 4yo:Why didn't you use a stroller?
@InternetHippo: Me (bumping into someone): Oh no, I’m sorry. Sorry. So very sorry Talent scout for brand’s social media job: Young man, what’s your name
@DiscoFruit: they say running is addictive, that's why i don't do it, i'm afraid i'll end up in a fitness gym alley offering sex for treadmill time.