@MarkTConard: Someone hash-tagged "share the love," and I read it as "shave the love." I thought, yeah, I can get on board with that.
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@PaperWash: GF: every time we fight you start interpretive dancing *i dance beautifully for 12 minutes* GF: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
@WritingWilkie: The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I called my teacher "mom" during sex.
@sarcasticmommy4: A quick way to get your kids to leave you alone is to say, "I need to make your dentist appointment."