@MartaEffing: Someone just used the phrase, 'that's a big load', on this conference call, and suddenly I'm paying attention.
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@theshantilly: Me: What's w/the ice pack? 12: I have a headache. Me: Do you think it's a good idea to play video games if you have a headache? 12: Yes.
@iAmDelFreaky: In elementary I got all the chicks because my box of crayons had a built-in sharpener. Been on a dry spell ever since. Just me & my crayons.
@david8hughes: [1st day as lifeguard] Guy: there's someone drowning in the water Me [not looking up from phone]: well it'd be hard to drown in the sand
@2tickytacky: If your date asks what you do for a living, just say "You let me worry about that."