@duplicitron: Someone left a really nice couch out on the street so I went home and got a lamp and TV and this is where I live now.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@PoonWhisperer1: The GF goes away for 10 days, *shits going to get wild * sleeps in middle of bed
@TheMichaelRock: Ladies, if he leaves the stickers on his hat, that's his way of telling you he won't pay child support.
@Rebecca8672: Awkward=when autocorrect changes 'sooner' to 'sober' so email to 8 yr. old's teacher reads "I apologize for not getting back to you sober"