@duplicitron: Someone left a really nice couch out on the street so I went home and got a lamp and TV and this is where I live now.
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@lgbk44: as a kid, I used to think $1,000 was a lot of money. But now that I'm an adult, I think it's a tremendous amount of money
@JohnLyonTweets: No, autocorrect, I'm not "pooping" popcorn. Not now anyway. Later, yes, but I don't plan to text about it.
@dafloydsta: [bank robbery] "Todd, where the hell is the getaway car?" TODD: *zooming up on a Segway* FOSSIL FUELS ARE RUINING THIS PLANET, GARY