@duplicitron: Someone left a really nice couch out on the street so I went home and got a lamp and TV and this is where I live now.
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@CrystalMoon214: Am I the only one who gives people in my neighborhood names they don't know they have? a.k.a. "Running Man","Mustang Bob", "Blue truck dude"
@fixyourcompass: My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with 'Star Wars'. I said: May divorce be with you...
@sofarrsogud: FRIEND. My daughter just hates her job ME: My dogter loves hers F: You mean dau.. ME: *shows her a pic of a puppy in scrubs* She's a dogtor