@timdonakowski: Someone needs to break it to my cat that she is not a security guard and my bathroom is not a VIP section.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Writer: So this movie is about a little girl and her dog and... Disney: Her parents die. Brilliant. Writer: No. Disney: Just her mom? Writer: No. Disney: Her dad? Writer: No. Disney: So then who dies? The girl? The dog? Writer: Nobody dies! Disney: Get out.
@squirrel74wkgn: [at dry cleaners] Me: Hi, did I drop something off here a few weeks ago? Owner: Yes Son: *walks out from back* Daddy!!!
@karanbirtinna: How many mission impossible movies must there be before they admit that the missions are actually kinda doable?
@hgracestewart: It's been scientifically proven that women who worry are smart. I must be a freaking genius.