@timdonakowski: Someone needs to break it to my cat that she is not a security guard and my bathroom is not a VIP section.
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@liv_thatsme: "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY 40 POUNDS OF SPINACH?" Me: I cooked it for you. It's over there, on that teaspoon.
@girlontapas: Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light.
@Darlainky: You can tell a lot about a person by eavesdropping in on their conversations in the bathroom.
@SqueakyFreckles: This crunchy cat food tastes a lot like I just poured from the wrong packet into my cereal bowl.