@thatdutchperson: Someone rang my doorbell twice this morning, so I guess I'm having lunch behind the couch.
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@Daddyissues__: Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chic is you.
@wickedsuga: I am an expert at making balloon animals. May I interest you in a hyphen or a pickle?
@InternetHippo: What should we call this portable computer? SOME GUY: Laptop [everyone applauds…w/ tears in my eyes i crumple a paper that says Kneeputer]