@TheBoydP: Someone said I was racist because I misspelled pico de gallo. It’s like they don’t even know I misspell English words also…
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@FilthyRichmond: Our son brought weed to Show & Tell and the teacher sent him home with $50 pinned to his shirt.
@Juststopkate: Some days I feel like my life is going super well, & then I get my hair caught in my umbrella. And also my car door.
@DaddyBeerGuy: Daycare sent me a pic of my 4yr old daughter holding hands with a boy.. with interlocked fingers.. INTERLOCKED FINGERS? send bail money!