@jakefromstfarm3: Someone stole my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about that.
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@internetluke: [trying to talk to girl] Ha so you from around here? "Ya" Cool me too. I love planet earth
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [date] W: I'm really into astronomy. M: Oh! What's your sign? W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy.
@OutOfLeftField_: If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
@UnicornSyrup: Whenever people say "anything is possible", I think about trying to staple pudding to a tree.