@slaughthie: Someone told me they dont get tattoos cuz "you dont put bumper stickers on a Ferrari" which was weird bc he was a 92 Chevy caprice at best
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@AbbyHasIssues: I was having a good weekend until my plans got cancelled. Now I'm having a great weekend.
@StevenAmiri: Keep "Christ in "Christopher Lloyd" because without it, he'd be "Opher Lloyd" and that sounds like "overlord." Huh? I'll have a Sprite.
@dubstep4dads: [twirling my bra above my head like a helicopter and it gets stuck on the ceiling fan, im launched thru window into neighbors yard] me: hey
@Shock_Monster: Her: I'm thinking of a number between 1 an- Me: 69! Her: ...10. Me: Her: Me: 6.9?