@slaughthie: Someone told me they dont get tattoos cuz "you dont put bumper stickers on a Ferrari" which was weird bc he was a 92 Chevy caprice at best
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@KingRainhead: Girl: I want bangs Me: I want a stylist to get my hair as close to antlers as possible. Make me look like a young prince of the wooded glen
@E_lok44: The biggest problem with prison is that you can only rearrange your cell in so many ways because of where the toilet is.
@GrowlyGrego: A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop.