@slaughthie: Someone told me they dont get tattoos cuz "you dont put bumper stickers on a Ferrari" which was weird bc he was a 92 Chevy caprice at best
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@SondraDeeMe: "Dreadfully mediocre." "Astonishing lack of imagination." "Your child peaked at age 5." - why my friends no longer invite me to school plays
@thenoahkinsey: *on a 1st date* Her:..and I have 3 cats Me: Swipe left H: Did you say "swipe left"?! M: H: M: *panicked whisper* swipeleftswipeleftswipeleft
@Jay1972Jay: My son, who is 10, just explained that the things he did when he was 7 no longer reflect the person that he is now. I need a drink.