@goonxiety: Someone's only cute till they leave one of your texts on read.
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@kelkulus: The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered.
@junejuly12: People who say 45 minutes past the hour are the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 months old
@419BillE: Uh oh I planned two dates today thinking one of them would cancel and now I have to come up with a lie and quick