@goonxiety: Someone's only cute till they leave one of your texts on read.
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@KirillWasHere: If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
@10InchesPlus: I hate when I toss some cold pizza in the microwave, check Twitter real quick and when I come back I've missed 3 mortgage payments.
@NJFreudian: I think twitter is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.