@imteddybless: something that I miss about being a child is people asking me what my favourite shape is. adults don't do this.it's a rhombus. u don't care
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@DurtMcHurtt: [eating an entire extra large pizza to myself] ME: *hears a knock on the door* THIS STALL IS TAKEN.
@nimble__nick: *At the pearly gates* St Peter: Welcome to heaven. I'll show you around. Me: Sooo many oysters must've died to make this gate.
@WilliamAder: I wonder about the people who unfollow after one day. What were they expecting, Louis C.K.?