@blaha_Who: Sometimes after a long hard day at work, it takes me 4 bars to get home
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@girlontapas: Am I capable of premeditated murder? Your honor, I've been planning my cheat day for two weeks.
@figgled: Real women have curves!!! Real women have spirals!!! Real women are plump and covered in a creamy sauce wait nope thinkin of pasta
@knot_eye: Her: I bet you forgot it. Him: I have a photographic memory. [shakes violently] Her: ? Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky? Her: NO