@blaha_Who: Sometimes after a long hard day at work, it takes me 4 bars to get home
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@gorrdano: I'm throwing myself a circumcision party tomorrow, so anybody with a scalpel and a steady hand, stop on by. Jews welcome only with gift.
@shutupmikeginn: The pigeons behind my apartment are fighting for claim to half a rain soaked hotdog. Fighting me.
@TedBundybitch: When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I'm saying
@NewDadNotes: [blind date] Date: tell me about yourself in 6 words or less. Me: I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo. Date: [laughing] nice Radiohead reference! Me: [laughing louder] what Radiohead reference?