@blaha_Who: Sometimes after a long hard day at work, it takes me 4 bars to get home
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@UncleDuke1969: Wife: It's time for a vacation. Me: Where do YOU want to go? Wife: Hmm... Maybe the Bahamas? Me: Great idea! And, I'LL go camping upstate!
@WilliamAder: Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I'm going to need those back.
@rockymomax: [kissing at a bar] HER: wanna get out of here? ME: (glances over at the menu and sees they have potato skins) not really
@maughammom: Told my kids to get rid of toys they don't play with, so if you hear a commotion it's just them desperately playing with every toy they own.