@blaha_Who: Sometimes after a long hard day at work, it takes me 4 bars to get home
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@TheHyyyype: WAITER: questions about the menu? ME: is it recycled paper? WAITER: no, i meant about what's on it ME: oh. what kind of ink is this?
@blade_funner: 1997: *waits 5 minutes for dial-up internet connection* 2017: MY CAR'S VOICE DOES NOT PLEASE ME
@noog: "I think that kid's a robot" What? "Look at his mouth" Relax they're just braces *backs away slowly* "That's exactly what a robot would say"
@DwellerLake: A very large bee just flew by and dropped a big spider on me. What kind of sick collaboration is this?