@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
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@OldUncleDaveO: If you are having anxiety over something you've said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
@MartinPilgrim1: My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking
@djdarrellripley: Me: My friend is having a birthday party for his dog. Her: How old is he? Me: (Sigh) Too old to be having a birthday party for his dog....
@UncleDuke1969: Me: I have NO drafts! Wife: *opens window* Me: ... Wife: *opens door* Me: ... Wife: That better? Me: I should have married your sister.