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@TheTweetOfGod: Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
@mattZillaaaa: LinkedIn is a terrible dating site
@DanMentos: "I just tried to make reservations at the library"
You don't need a res-
"Couldn't get one though"
Don't do this
"They were fully booked"
@CornOnTheGoblin: [sits backwards in chair so i look cool]
date: you're gonna miss the movie
@AmericanGent69: Facebook Friend: I woke up at 3:30am so I could sneak in a 8 mile run.
Me: I skipped showering so I could sleep an extra 15 minutes.
@realHamOnWry: Is Viagra classified as a soft drug, or a hard drug?