@ActuallyEmerson: Sometimes I answer your rhetorical questions because I think you are that stupid.
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@MatCro: [first day as a midwife] ME: Keep pushing! I can see the head! NURSE: You're at the wrong end.
@NoogsCorner: 1) Put index and thumb together. 2) Place them where nose meets forehead. 3) Close eyes. 4) Sigh. 5) Check to see if person still talking.
@NicestHippo: [guy who named the bedroom gets home] Honey? Our son got in trouble at the learnroom. His teacher called while I was driving in my wheelsbox