@SaddestTiger: sometimes i call watermelons summer pumpkins and nobody ever knows what im talking about.
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@TheSomeGuyShow: If you walk in on a girl giving birth in the bathroom at Applebees, don't judge her, you're also eating at Applebees.
@KyleMcDowell86: I always keep a shotgun under my bed in case a horse sneaks in and breaks his leg
@boredbostonian: I'm glad nothing I own was made with my own two hands because I really like having hands.