@_Justin_Stepien: sometimes I fill up my bathtub with spaghetti sauce and sit in it and pretend I'm a meatball
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@tbhstop: has a fever: i'm ok coughs out lungs: i'm ok throat on fire: i'm ok is hungry: death, despair and chaos has entered my life
@mrjohndarby: [1st date] Her: So, tell me about yourself Me: Well, I've got a black belt- Her: Oh! Me: ...and *looking down*.. brown shoes, gray socks...
@david8hughes: [soldier making lunch] Now for some avocado [grabs grenade] oh oh, if this is here then that means [cut to soldier taking cover for 5 hours]
@Tommytoughstuff: [briefing] CIA DIRECTOR: We have a leak... CIA PLUMBER: (slowly stands up) CIA DIRECTOR: In our operation. CP: (slowly sits back down)