@Home_Halfway: Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would've been if he'd eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
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@TrueTorontoGirl: Hate it when I put on active wear and nothing happens.
@TheCatWhisprer: They say you should eat 6 small meals a day to lose weight so being an overachiever I have been eating 26 a day.
@Jake_Vig: No, no, no, you don't have to engage in a long explanation of why you're single. We've spent five minutes together, I think I've got it.
@KeetPotato: cop: i have to give you a ticket me: [undoes button] how bout now? cop: sir me: [undoes another] how bout now? cop: sir pls get off my shirt
@KenJennings: "I don't have a racist bone in my body!" --Riley Cooper's girlfriend postcoitus
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