@DirtMcTurd: Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my girl's hair. Its a nice way to let her know I love her and also that were out of napkins
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@Carbosly: Have we tried unplugging coma victims and plugging them in again? Works for my computer.
@JesseFernandez: Thank god attorneys let us know they're attorneys "at law" so we don't assume they're attorneys at garlic bread or something.
@envydatropic: Squirrels run around looking for food because they don't have access to technology and the endless supply of nuts on Twitter.
@causticbob: Greek people must feel like a tampon. They live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but at the worst period.