@NickBossRoss: Sometimes I just start counting and hope the person talking to me will go hide.
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@XplodingUnicorn: [Barney the purple dinosaur comes on TV] 3-year-old: I hate this show. Me: What's wrong with it? 3-year-old: He never eats anybody.
@TheCatWhisprer: The best thing about the first day at a new job is nobody knows I only have one outfit.
@WookieInMyPants: Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out