@NickBossRoss: Sometimes I just start counting and hope the person talking to me will go hide.
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@brynnester: [First Date] Her: *shyly* I like a man with a big dong Me: *rings the largest of my musical bells* How was that?
@thenatewolf: Mom: I brought you into this world and I can take you out Me: Who taught you about laws, mom? Granny? Granny: I'm allowed to kill everyone
@Reverend_Scott: [sees friend at the store] "Hi" Hey "Where's your better half?" The PS4's at home "No I mean-" Where WOULD it be? Wow, dumb question.