@iresurfaced: Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
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@protolalia: He paid me $150 for the "girlfriend experience," so I went through his phone then locked myself in the bathroom, sobbing inconsolably.
@Gooooats: I keep trying to turn my hat around backwards so I can get down to business, but it's a sombrero and I'm making zero progress.
@dubstep4dads: ladies say I'm a hamster in the sheets because I squeal when I'm uncomfortable and I leave small pellets in the bed