@MyPornKhan: Sometimes, I look at the kids of today and think, "Thank god I'll be dead by the time you grow up."
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@HeidiGolightly: Do I still have feelings for my ex husband? Yes. I think "stabby" is a feeling, right?
@dafloydsta: FRIEND: Women like a little danger. ME: Okay. [later on date] HER: So where are we- ME: *opening door of moving car* Get out. NOW.
@Book_Krazy: *Arrives at airport checkin* Me: I've never been to the rainforest. I'm really excited! -Ticket please Me: [Hands her Amazon Gift Card]
@_ElvishPresley_: *Beethoven & orchestra take stage* HECKLER: (chanting) Ode to Joy! Ode to Joy! Beethoven: –we're gonna play some new stuff HECKLER: boooo