@JediGigi: Sometimes I need "Eye of the Tiger" playing to get me to leave my bed.
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@WhatevaConc: [At the register] "Find everything ok?" "No I figured I'd get in line, pay for just a few things, then start the process all over again."
@alispagnola: There are many different theories about why humans even need to sleep but I'm pretty sure it's to charge our phones.
@heiditron3000: When I die, cremate everything but my feet. Then set the feet covered in my ashes on a stranger's front porch, ring the doorbell, and hide