@IamEveryDayPpl: Sometimes I pretend I'm picking up lunch for the office even tho the KFC workers can clearly see me eating that bucket in their parking lot.
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@PeterClayton6: If you say 'my cocaine' really loudly, you will sound exactly like Michael Caine saying his own name. I will never get tired of this.
@the_mom_dot_com: My husband is doing that cute thing where he would happily drive into oncoming traffic & kill us all while trying to find a bug on his leg.
@StephenKing: Breaking News: Reliable sources reveal that Donald Trump is actually Cthulu. The absurd hairdo isn't absurd at all. It hides the tentacles.
@shutupmikeginn: Me: It's cold outside. Them: It's not cold outside. Not compared to the place i lived which was colder, which I'm about to elaborate on.