@Elizasoul80: Sometimes I put a vase of flowers outside to let other flowers know that if they try to be prettier than me, I'll cut their legs off too.
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@thenatewolf: *she hears me singing in the shower* Her: oh he's so cute *she hears a guitar amp click on and feedback ring out* Her: NATE NOOOOOOOOOOOO
@LindaInDisguise: Me: I know exactly what's wrong with me, Doctor. Dr: I told you no Google. You Googled, didn't you? Me: NO! Dr: <blink> Me: One TINY Google.
@DanMentos: *runs into san francisco restaurant* THE KALE WASN'T LOCALLY SOURCED *sound of 100s of ubers smashing into each other outside restaurant*
@sofarrsogud: The running up the steps scene from Rocky, but it's a penguin, and it takes four and a half hours.