@heartbread: sometimes i remember i was part of the nsa hack back in spring / that all my data is currently floating around china and i'm like "cool"
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@OneFunnyMummy: Chips are not only delicious, but if you crunch them loud enough you can't hear your children anymore.
@psybermonkey: [First date] Her: I love to travel. Me: *stands up with basketball* I don't think this is gonna work.
@JayUhOh: Five chickens leave Topeka traveling west at 25 mph. Please help me find them chickens. Those are my chickens.